Weeeeellllll......

Yes... it's been...awhile... heh heh... Sorry.

Anyway.  It's technically still Monday, sooooo let's hit up mah music scene, shall we?  Awesome.  Let's hit it.

I--go figure--bought some more CDs the other day.  Start from the top:

Lady Gaga: Born This Way

Okay.  I really don't feel the need to defend my musical interests.  They are eclectic, out there, weird, random, fun, dark, interesting, this way and that way, and in general just all over the place.  I like what I like and that's just all there is to it.  And I like Lady Gaga... most of the time.
Tangent: My mom really hates the woman.  And it's really annoying because she keeps announcing how she doesn't have any talent and her only claim to fame is her bizarro fashion and the fact that she dances around in her underwear all the time and regularly forgets to wear pants.  Now, don't get me wrong, she's right on all counts but the first one.  Even my dad agrees that Gaga has talent.  I like her music--and so does he, interestingly enough--so it's kind of annoying to me when people just announce that artists they aren't fond of don't have talent...just because they don't like them.  I mean, sure, there are individuals who have no talent--*coughcoughRebeccaBlackcoughcoughcough*--but just because you might not like what they have to offer doesn't necessarily mean they suck. >>End Tangent>>

This album is interesting.  "I am my hair."  "I don't speak German but I can if you want me to."  "*insert random Spanish and something about Americano*" ...Remember when I said I like Lady Gaga?  Well... I do, I really do... But jeez, woman.

I posted on Facebook that I think she's having an identity crisis.  She's a stalker in Paparazzi, Italian in Alejandro, Mexican in Americano, German for Scheiße, a...whore in LoveGame... and I don't even know what she was going for in Telephone... (especially after watching the video. Oi.) Figure it out, Lady!!  But she probably can't really help it.  After all, she was "born this way." ;)


Kay, so maybe that wasn't very nice.  But she's so easy to make fun of.  And I already did state twice that I like her.  And I really do, but what good is someone if you can't poke a little fun at them, right? Exactly.


The album is worth a listen.  I'll give it that.  It's progressive.  It's fun and interesting.  It's music you can dance to in your room or your car, sing to when nobody else might be looking--or hell, in front of a crowd if you want.  But it's more Gaga.  She kinda defined her style with album one and even though she's been growing and changing and all, her sound is still there.  It's still Gaga.


Next!

The Afters: Light Up the Sky


This is Christian band that one of my friends introduced me to ages ago with a song called "Myspace Girl" I think.  It was cute.  Anyway.


I basically bought this album because of the title track.  It played on my Pandora.com station and I really loved it, soooo I bought more. (=


They're a really nice, Christian alternative pop band.  (More pop than alternative, but nevertheless.)  If you like fun, totally unoffensive (guaranteed) music, then The Afters are for you.  I like them.  It's good feel-good music. (=


Lastlyyyyyy!

Hyland: Weights and Measures


I'm pretty sure I brought up this band about a month or two ago when I was talking about local bands that had been signed and I was all excited.


It's a really, really good album.  It was $9 at Wal-Mart, and I totally suggest that you go buy it.  They're a group of really great guys and their music is inspiring, uplifting, easy on the ears, and kinda just makes you feel good.  They're Christian (and not Jesus freaks, which is nice) and they have (obviously) good messages.  They're never offensive or all up in your face about God, even when they're actively singing about Him and His grace and all.  I really like them, and their music, and I'm extremely proud of them like you wouldn't believe.  They've worked really hard to get this far and it definitely shows in this album. (=  Give it a listen.  Trust me.


Uhmmmmmmmmmmm... yeah.


So I graduated yesterday, in other news.  =D WHOOOO!!!  But for real, it's kind of exciting.  I made a butt-load of money--but I'm not saying how much cause that's not cool.  I have a zillion thank-yous to send which is going to be a total groaner job, but what can you do?  Exactly.  And I really am appreciative, don't get me wrong.  Yesterday was a really good day for me.
I only cried once during the ceremony, and it wasn't even anythign to do with graduation.  We play a slideshow of pictures--baby/toddler and family and stuff--during graduation of each of the seniors and when my pictures came up, I looked at my late little brother and I lost it.  I regained control of myself after a couple of minutes, but it hurt.  It still does hurt.  So that was the only not-cool part about graduation and everything.  I didn't get to share it with one of the people I loved the most.


But what can you do?  Life goes on, even when it ends and leaves a tear in vital places.  That's the hard part: learning how to live around the tear in your life.


Anyway.
It didn't even occur to me until after the ceremony and most everyone had already left that that had been it.  I was probably never going to see most of those people again--especially not all at once.  I wasn't going to get to have math classes with the same 6 people I've had math with for the past 2 years.  I'm not going to have to teach my best friend why you can "just switch variables like that" ever again.  I'm never going to get to roll my eyes at the sarcasm spewing forth from so many of my classmates again.  And though these are all things that I will miss, I'm not sad.  I've been ready to be done for awhile.  It's time for me to take control of my own life and I'm ready for that.  It'll be a little bit scary at times, I'm sure, trying to figure out just where the hell I'm going next, but it's time.  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't experiencing a little trepidation--I love that word, by the way (just saying)--about all of this, but I'd also be lying if I said I wasn't entirely pumped by the prospect.  Because I'm both.  I'm a sea of conflicting emotions right now.  Welcome to my life.


Anyway... yeah.  I think I'm gonna call her a night now.  I start my job at 6:30 tomorrow morning--which is great...--so I need to get some sleep.  Someone make sure I post tomorrow, would you?  Kay thanks.

With love,
--Emily Renae <3

Music and Literature

Since I meant to post yesterday but then got distracted by a particular someone (*cough cough Clare cough cough*) and therefore missed Monday, I'll be making both posts tonight. (=  You're welcome.

I've bought 7 CDs in the past 2 days.  Yes, really.  I'll discuss all 7 today plus 2 others.  Sooooo yeah. (=

CD 1:

Tighter: Mindless Self Indulgence

They're... uhm... strange.  Windows Media Player calls it metal, but... uh... yeah.  I don't even really know how to describe it.  How about a little bit of a bio?  Okay.


They're a New York band that started 14 years ago (1997).  According to Wikipedia (which we all know is so desperately reliable): "Their music has a mixed style including punk rock, alternative rock, electronica, techno and industrial. Due to the style of their music lacking a definite genre, they coined the term 'Industrial Jungle Pussy Punk' to describe their music, but later, they denounced the term."

Don't ask me.  Listening to their music, I can detect strains reminiscent of Linkin Park, System of a Down, ICP, and... I don't know.  Something techno-ish?  It's hard to explain.  Quite frankly, I can't even pin down why I like them.  They're interesting. Kind of amusing to listen to.  Really weird... but then, if you look at my other music, I guess it's viable, huh?

Moving along.

CD 2:

Take Action; Vol 10

It's a Various Artists album for the Take Action Tour that takes place every summer and never comes anywhere near me.  Go figure.

Apparently they're raising money for... something... a charity.  I just can't remember which one.  I think it says in the PSA (track 1) but don't quote me on that.

I have Volumes 8, 9, and 10, and so far they've all been excellent. 8 and 10 have been 2 discs but 9 was only one.
And they're cheap!! I paid $7 for Volume 10, and it's got 31 tracks on it!  It's totally worth it.  I love them.
I've been meaning to see if I can find back albums, but so far no luck.  I think they only sell 2 albums at a time: last year's album and this year's. haha.  Ah well.  I'll just collect from Volume 8 on. (=

CD 3:

My Forever: He Is We

AGH! I'm so excited this band got signed. (=  They totally make my day.  She's got this sweet little voice (that isn't all that little) and their melodies are just pretty.  They have a softer sound and aren't really that intense at any point.  The songs are touching and just happy-making.

I whole-heartedly suggest this band.  I also suggest that you go on youtube or PureVolume.com and listen to their older songs.  Especially Radio aaaaaand I Wouldn't Mind.  And all of the rest of them. (=  It's worth your time--promise.

CD 4:

Lovestrong.: Christina Perri

She's pretty.  Straight up.  I'm kinda confused by the tattoos on her arm... like what's with the guy spread-eagled on a grid work... surrounding his limbs...?  I don't know.

Anyway.
Most of this album is kind of acoustic.  It's soft.  Laid back.  Simple, really.  It's got Jar of Hearts on it--I probably wouldn't have bought it without that song, honestly (not as though I couldn't just download it. But you know.)
I don't know.  If you like female vocals and soft(ish) music check her out.  I like it.  It's not my favorite or anything, but it's good.

CD 5:

Beneath It All: Hey Monday

It's their new EP.  New being operative since it's been out for a few months now.  I tried to preorder it but it never showed up. So I don't know what the hell happened, but I'm cranky.

Anyway.  It's good.  Not as good as their album, but that's my opinion.  The best song on the album is decidedly Wish You Were Here, at least in my opinion.
It's just more Hey Monday, I guess.  I don't know what else to say about it.  Don't get me wrong, I love them.  But... it's kinda just more of the same.  I mean, they've grown a bit, sure.  They're definitely more popular now than they were before.  Did Glee actually do Candles?  Or did that idea disappear when he kissed Curt?  I don't actually manage to watch the show, so I wouldn't know.  Random, I know. haha. Sorry.

CD 6:

Until We Have Faces: Red

They're a Christian metal/hard rock band.  And I love them.  The first track is a little too screamo for my tastes these days, but good nonetheless.  The vocalist has a really good voice and the lyrics are really deep.  I love listening to them.  There's this emotional connection for me.  But then, I'm kind of messed up, too, sooo... anybody's guess. hahaha.  Oh well.

It's a really good album.  If you like the harder side of rock, definitely check them out.  And don't let the Christian thing scare you away.  They aren't all up in your face about loving Jesus in their music.  Trust me.  I don't listen to that much because it annoys me too.  Yes, I love Jesus, and it's great that you do too.  Get out of my face about it.  Sometimes it's cool, but... there's a certain tact that a lot of bands lack.  So I don't know.  Whatever.

CD 7:

Suddenly Yours: Allstar Weekend

They're a pop band.  Somewhat akin to The Summer Set or The Ready Set or Go Radio or... what's another present-day boy band that isn't obnoxious that I can name? hahaha.
They're good.  Really.  It's a short album, but it's good.  It's just more run-of-the-mill alternative pop, though.  I don't know what the deal is, but half the pop bands--even the alternative pop bands--all sound the same again these days.  Maybe it's because they're moderately mainstream... Well, mainstream enough to have a poster in Wal-Mart at least.  (And on my wall.  Don't look at me like that; I needed a new poster for the hole where I kept ripping the other one down in my sleep. But that's a story for another day.)
Anyway.  If you like pop and boy bands, by all means, look into them.

Extra Band 1:

Kate Voegele

This is (clearly) the album cover for her "A Fine Mess" album, which I (obviously) own.  It's a phenomenal album, and I don't use that word lightly.  I've been listening to it repeatedly in the last couple of weeks.

She's beautiful, with a beautiful voice, and really good songs.  Some of them are fun, some have some serious attitude--99 Times specifically--and some of them are really touching--Angel, Sweet Silver Lining.  I'm particularly fond of all 3 of the aforementioned plus Who You Are Without Me.  I realize that's like, half the album.  But that's what I mean when I say she's phenomenal.  I don't always list half the album as the best, after all.  And that's not saying the other half isn't good, either! Because the entire thing is repeat-worthy.  (=

DEFINITELY take the time to look her up.  Just trust me.


I was going to talk about another extra artist, but I decided that this got long enough already.  So I'm just going to stop.  And I only really had 2 books to talk about anyway, so I'll just do it later.  Probably tomorrow... Or next week... hahahaha

So that's all I've got.  Ta ta! (=

--Emily <3

Post Playlist (my music library+Youtube):
I'm playing my CDs as I download them. (=

Grab the Mic--Mindless Self Indulgence
Tight--Mindless Self Indulgence
Stay Posi--Silverstein
Battle Scars--Bayside
Bad Newz Bearz--Four Year Strong
Alejandro--All Time Low
Lights Out (Acoustic)--We Are the In Crowd
Young (Acoustic Remix)--The Summer Set
Forever and Ever--He Is We
All About Us--He Is We
Bluebird--Christina Perri
Arms--Christina Perri (the video for this song is really strange, by the way. and doesn't really make any sense. The song itself isn't that great either. It's alright.  But ya know...)
Douche Bag--Mat Musto
7 Minutes in Heaven (Atavan Halen)--Fall Out Boy
If You Only Knew--Shinedown
Best I Ever Had (Grey Sky Morning)--Vertical Horizon
Shape of My Heart--Backstreet Boys  Do not make fun of me.  I like them.  It's a connection to my childhood, too. hahahaha.  I'm not defending my musical interests from you.  I like what I like. Eat it.
Hush--Automatic Loveletter
I Heard It's the Softest Thing Ever--A Day to Remember
All of You--Vertical Horizon
Brainiac--Chevelle
Myself in Mirrors--Life on Repeat

Sunday

I don't think that there's much of anything that hurts more than watching your mommy break in half. Again. And again. And again.  Knowing that she's not done breaking, and neither are you.

I usually try to avoid talking about my personal life because nobody cares and I'm not looking for sympathy, but it's mothers day, and up until this year it had always been a happy occasion.  This year... it's just... cruel.

My younger brother committed suicide in October.  This has been the year from hell.  It doesn't get easier to handle with time.  It doesn't hurt less with time.  You don't just get over it.  You can't just move on.  Anyone who tells you these things has clearly never gone through this.
I reached a point where I could handle my own emotional trauma, my tangible pain, without dissolving.  But every time I see my mom sigh painfully, reminisce longingly, or cry... especially cry... I break.  I break into a million pieces and I completely shatter because I can't handle seeing my mommy hurt this badly.  I can't handle watching my mommy hurt.

There are days I don't even want to wake up in the morning.  Acknowledge the world or my existence.  I don't want to have to face my friends, family, classmates, teachers...  It just hurts too much.

The problem with life is that it keeps going, even when it ends.  The world has no choice but to continue flowing around the hole where my brother is supposed to be because the world has to continue.  The rest of the school, the town, has all but forgotten.  Even my friends seem to think that it's been long enough now that I should just be over it.  It's like they've forgotten that I'm a mess, or they think that I should have sorted myself out by now.  No one understands what I have to deal with, what I'm faced with every moment of every damn day.

We got ready together. We drove to school together. We listened to music together. We played video games together. He started my car. He drove when I didn't want to. We shared snacks and drinks. We argued like mad. We joked about random shit. We reminisced. We predicted the future. Our future.  We complained. We complained a lot...  We played in band together. We sang together. We ate together.

And now I do everything alone.  I get my own ass up.  I drive myself to school. I listen to my own music. I don't play video games. I eat my own food. I fight with myself. I fight with a future that is missing key components.
Every. Day.
And I have to watch my parents go through the pain of losing their child.  No parent should ever have to outlive their baby.  Ever.

Now, I'm going to go have coffee with them so we can commiserate.  Because life sucks for all of us, and it really isn't getting any better.  I pretend that I'm okay.  I pretend that I'm fine.  But honestly, I'm so fucking far from it that my life has become a lie.  Most of the time I manage.  Sometimes, like today, I just can't.

Everyone looks to me to be strong and to fight, but I'm just surviving.  I may be weak but I'm never defeated.  I'll keep believing in clouds with their sweet silver lining...
~Kate Voegele

Rah Rah Rah Wednesday

...I totally do not know where the "rah rah rah" business came from.  Sorry.  That was a little random.

Dude, does anyone remember what Wednesday's topic is supposed to be?  Erg. I'd better go check.

OH! PICK UP LINES!!!

Gasp.

Excuse me; I seem to have lost my phone number, could I borrow yours?

Just sayin'... I was inches from using this one time.  No lie.  It may or may not actually work, but I think it would depend on how suave and debonair you happened to be. Hahaha.  Smooth.  Ya know.  Also it would depend on how creepy/desperate you were coming off as.  I don't know if you would actually get my number out of me or with this.  If it's not followed up by a conversation, I wouldn't count on it, probably.  But hey, it could be fun.

You're like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life!

Oh dear God. hahaha. 
Someone grab me a dictionary and define corny.
Even being the complete nerd/geek that I am, there's no way that I would be able to take someone seriously if they dropped this line. If we were already together and he let it fly I would laugh and it would be cute.  But to catch my attention?  Come on.  It's kind of cute, in a really dweebish way, I guess, and I can't help but laugh when I read it.  (Every time.)  But still.



Anyway.  That's basically all I've got, since I don't talk about my life.  Just my reading material and my music library.

OH!
Speaking of music!!

He is We signed!!!  Ages ago, I know.  But still!!! =D

I'm pumped.  Because they play on the radio and stuff.  They're great.  Super cute. Sweet. Fun. Gorgeous. Amazing.  The lyrics are deep.  The melodies are nice.  I listen to them for hours. =D

Go check them out.  And I mean it!




Now I'm done. haha.

Ta ta!
--Emily <3

Whoot!

I actually don't really have much cause to "whoot" right now, but it sounded pretty dang good for a title so we're goin with it!  Eat it.
Actually, I should probably be nice, because I have reached "whoot" status with the knowledge that I actually have readers! =D  Which means I'm totally not just talking to dead space anymore.  Which is nice.  Most definitely.

As an English major/Nazi/nerd/enthusiast/what-have-you, all of my fragments really kinda half-bother me... But as a writer, they're just part of the ball game.  It's kind of an internal war, actually... Same with words like 'goin' and 'kinda/sorta' and 'cause'... Ah well. =P

SO! I'ma talk about more books now.  Because books are fun to talk about.  And because a certain (beautiful) friend of mine (named Clare) said she needed new reading material.  This may or may not be of any assistance to the lovely lady, but it may be to anybody else that happens to stumble across me and find me as amusing as she miraculously does.

(By the way, Clare... I'm probably going to refer to you a lot now since I know you actually read this. hahaha.  See what you've done?) ;P

Actually, before I get to my reading material, I'ma talk about Clare just a little.  Nothing too personal like last names or anything, but I'ma share with the rest of you why she is so utterly awesome.
A.) Her name is Clare.  Like, come on.  that just automatically makes you cool.  And adorable.  Which she is, by the way.  I'm not going to share pictures, but she's super super cute.  Just trust me.
B.) She took 1st in Humorous Interpretation at state speech last year. As a junior. With this AMAZING speech called A Hotel is a Funny Thing.  (It might be "Hotels" not "A Hotel" but I don't remember and it hardly matters.)  She does an epic persnickety-British-man voice--which also totally makes her awesome on the spot, by the way--and the ease with which she just moved from one voice/character to the next was on the verge of astounding.
C.) She's seen every Vlogbrothers video ever recorded and even knows Hank Green's "Lady Lady John Green" song.  (It's from the first month of their videos like, 5 years back, if you decide to try and go find it.)  I don't think that the guy that introduced me to the Vlogbrothers even knows the "Lady Lady John Green" song. And she's read John's books.  I mean come on.
D.) She's going to this epic nerdfest in Orlando this summer--at which both Vlogbrothers will be present and I am immensely jealous for anyone curious--because her sister bought her tickets.  Which just totally makes her awesome by association.
Am I the only one associating "pure unadulterated awesomeness" with nerdiness?  Maybe.  But she's also super cute and immensely sweet and I just happen to love her to pieces.
Even though we've spoken like, 3 words to each other in person... Who said the internet was only good for porn?!  Hahahaha. (Avenue Q reference there... for anyone cool enough to catch that...)

Anyway.  Now that I've totally gone on about my beautiful and awesome friend to... well, probably mostly her (haha) I shall get on with my actual intended subject matter.  Literature!

Infinite Days: Rebecca Maizel

Okay, here's the scoop: It's about a girl who was a vampire but now isn't becaauuuse of this big epic process thingy that killed him and saved her... and then her ex-coven is going to come searching for her and blah blah blah...  And then... I'm not going to tell you the ending because it would really ruin it.

It's a really really weird book but totally worth your time.  I absolutely loved it and am waiting for the follow-up that should be published really soonish.  I hope.

And the cover is freakin' epic.  When I was reading it, I actually would just sit and stare at the cover for unknown periods of time.  I'm not quite certain what it was I found so compelling--still find--but it's just... interesting to look at.  So I looked. (A lot.)  Not creepy/weird at all...

The prose is great.  The filler is, too.  There's not really anything in it that just makes you roll your eyes and think "well that was a stretch."  The love triangle is pretty cliche, but she does it in a manner that's rather acceptable, I thought.  All-in-all I liked it.

The Secret Society of the Pink Crystal Ball: Risa Green

She has an interesting first name. I've never met a Risa.

So this book is about a bunch of sophomores.  One of them has a crazy aunt who left her the noted pink crystal ball.  It's like, a pink magic 8 ball. hahaha.  But the answers are kinda strange.  And every time this girl asks for something, whatever she asks comes true.  When she asks it for stuff for other people, mass mayhem ensues.  Which, of course, they don't figure out until the end of the book.  (Even though I figured it out the first time.)
Anyway, there's of course romance involved.  How would it be legitimate teen fiction without any?  The relationship is kind of cute, though, so I'm not complaining.

As a whole, the story was a tiny bit frustrating to read, but mostly just because they're so young and naive and...well, oblivious.  Kinda stupid.  Have a knack for overreacting.  (Sounds a lot like 10th grade.)  I just have this thing where I don't like to read books focused on kids younger than me.  Kinda dumb, probably, considering I'm not really a kid, anymore, but still.  I can't help it.

It was good, though.  I really did like it.  It was fun to read and worth the time. (=

 Shiver: Maggie Stiefvater

It's the first book in a series about werewolves, but the specifics of the creature are a lot different.  It's actually really interesting, and I was impressed by the creativity and the... (shit I just lost my word...) innovation in recreating the werewolf.

Basically, they aren't subject to the full moon, they're subject to the weather patterns.  When it's cold, they're wolves; when it warms up, they're human.  It's personal when a body makes the change, but each body only has so long--also personal--before they just stop changing and remain a wolf until they die.

It's a really sweet love story, though.  He's a wolf; she isn't.  She rescues him.  They actually have a chance to fall in love (and do, of course.)

There's so much involved that I really don't want to give it all away because it would really kinda ruin it.  It's an excellent novel and it was something I totally couldn't put down.  I just devoured it mercilessly.  The prose is elegant and beautiful.  The characters are deep, with genuine personalities--they're people that I feel like I could meet on the street and recognize and be able to have a conversation with.  The plot is well-thought-out and incredibly interesting.  I give it at least 4.5 stars.  I really did love it.

Linger: Maggie Stiefvater

This is the sequel to Shiver, and it's just as good as the first but a bajillion times more frustrating.  Grace's parents have become complete assholes and pissed me off at every single possible turn.  A couple other characters are a bit annoying.  Sam and Grace are having some issues.  Grace keeps getting sicker and sicker until you learn something really strange that I'm not going to tell you because--hello!!--spoiler alert.

Once again, the prose is beautiful.  The conflicts are real, and I definitely reacted on an emotional level.  The characters are well developed and easy to identify with--some of them, anyway.

They're just good books.  That's really all there is to it.  I'm waiting not very patiently for the last one to come out July 12, Forever.  UGH! THE SUSPENSE IS AGONIZING!

I'm serious.  They're really that good that I'm that antsy about it.  I highly recommend them.

I would probably talk about music and stuff too, since I didn't have time to post yesterday, but it's 10 to midnight, and I have play practice in the morning at 7. (For a play that isn't going to work, and if they keep trying to make it happen it's going to be a big ol' epic fail.  I don't want to be associated with or involved in it but I can't seem to walk away.  Unfortunately, I think we're all going to have to.  It sucks. It really does.)

So anyway, that's all I've got!  No playlist tonight but the sound of my own tapping keys.  Sorry for that.

With love,
Emily <3