Jewelry

If you've been around, you'll have seen the last post I made about my beadwork.  I posted pictures and all that mumbo jumbo.  It's great fun, beading, though it's getting kind of... or, well, very? expensive.  We'll just go with an adverb-less 'expensive.'  Beads are expensive, wire is expensive, findings are expensive, tools are expensive. Well, crochet hooks aren't that expensive, but nevertheless.  It's not a cheap hobby.  (Are they ever?)

Anyway.  I've been making a whole buncha stuff for Christmas gifts.  And I just feel like displaying them.  Because they really are really cool.  And I'm sorta kinda considering making it a little side-business/project.  Selling them and all that.  The only thing is that it ends up being really time consuming and I'm not 100% sure how much I'd have to actually charge for them... I mean, I have an idea, I guess, but... shrug.  And I fear the potential level of demand.  I gave one to my cousin for her birthday and sold one to her best friend and they already have a huge group of people that want one.  It's a lot to attempt to keep up with.  Plus, sometimes I feel like there's a cap on my creativity.  Whatever.

Anyway.  So this is what I've got for you today. (=

I inset an image of the beadwork/weave/whatever-you-wanna-call-it in the middle, just so you can get kind of a concept of what it looks like. (=

It's pretty cool.  I'm really a fan.  I'm going to make more for me, too, but right now I'm a bit preoccupied making gifts.

Oh! And then the lady that works with the Minot Council of the Arts, Terri Aldrich, decided that she liked my necklaces and wants me to set up a booth at Arts in the Parks this summer.  I kind of want to do it, I think, but I don't know if I'll be able to make that dang many pieces!  Though... yeah, I probably can, I guess. hahaha.  It's just a lot of expense for potential profit quite a ways out.

Look at me, thinking like a businesswoman.  Jeez. hahahaha.

Moving along.

I put an inset of the one side of the center bead as well, just cause it looks cool and is kinda sorta intricate.
I'm just playin' with picnik--leave me alone!

A) I didn't do a spectacular job on the inset on this one. Sorry. My bad.
B) If you think it looks thicker than the others, you're right.  It is.  I used 4 strands on this one instead of the usual 3.  And I kind of like it.  Even though it was such a pain in the ass I very much doubt I'll do it much. hahaha

This last one I think I'm keeping.  I MIGHT give it to my sister-in-law, but it's hard to say right now.  I have yet to decide.  Hell, I don't even know if she'd actually like it.  But we'll see.  I like it, and that's enough motivation just to keep it.
I wanted to keep most of the ones that I've been making lately. hahaha.  My grandma just told me she wants me to do commission work, hahahaha.  Which I can handle.  If she's going to pay me to make something she wants, hellz yes.

Anyway.  That's what I have for you today. (=

Ta ta!
--Emily Renae

P.S.--Merry Christmas.  Since that's like, tomorrow/Sunday and all. (=

Paper Towns

The title of this post is pretty indicative of the intended content, I think.  It's 3:04 in the morning and I should really be sleeping because my boyfriend is coming out tomorrow--today, I guess--oh yeah, you guys, I have a boyfriend; kinda forgot to mention that, as though it really mattered--and I should really be sleeping because I have shit to do before he gets here and I'm so exhausted lately I just want to sleep all the damn time and I don't have time to sleep because I have too many things to do and SO not enough time to do them in because I have a job that I have to drive back and forth to Minot for and that takes a SHIT TON of time, if you didn't know that already.
That was... like... one sentence, guys.  One really big, run-on sentence.  My English teachers would be ashamed.
Fortunately for me, this isn't a graded assignment!  So screw them.  (And I don't think I'm actually taking an English course this semester.  Whoops.)  Anyway. Moving along.

I just finished reading Paper Towns by John Green today.  Queue book cover:

There are two different covers for this book, and I haven't decided which one I like better.  This is the one I have, which is the main reason I'm using it right now.  Depending on how freaking long I talk about it, I may through the other one in as well.  I'm really hoping to not keep myself up til, like, 5 in the morning.  Not even 4 if I can help it.  But I'm sitting up. And my back is cold. What is this place coming to??

Anyway. Sorry.  Somehow I'm also vaguely hyper-active and I really need to get back on topic.  *cough*
The more accurate asterisk-action would be *sniffle* but let's leave my cold out of this.

I'm going to need both frickin covers just to get into the book.
And it seems my swearing increases the longer I've been awake.  Sorry.  Trying to calm down.  And I have band music stuck in my head because I was practicing my flute last night.  I half-wonder how long I might allow myself to ramble like this before I say what I mean to...

ANYWAY!  The book, the book.  I'm serious now.

Quentin Jacobsen is a mild-mannered guy.  His parents are both psychiatrists.  What the hell do you expect?  And he's a senior in high school.  A bit of a nerd, but not overwhelmingly so.  Actually, all in all, he's relatively boring.  At least at the start of the novel.  He's just a boy.  I mean, don't get me wrong, I imagine him to be a sorta kinda cute-ish boy, but just a boy nonetheless.
And he's practically in love with his neighbor: Margo Roth Speigelman.  (I like the name Margo, just for the record.  At first I thought it was sort of odd, but I grew to rather like it.)  Except that as the novel proceeds, Quentin finds that it's not really Margo he's in love with, it's the idea of Margo.  Because he realizes that he actually really doesn't know Margo--none of them do.
Margo involves him in a night of adventures and then suddenly disappears.  Apparently it's nothing new, as she's run away to do things in the past.  Only this time, she isn't coming back.  Much turmoil takes its place in the pages following Margo's disappearance, and I can't help but sympathize with Quentin.  Simultaneously, knowing what I know, I sympathize with her as well.

As with Looking for Alaska, Paper Towns has a lot of philosophy running throughout its pages.  Concepts that I think more people need to be introduced/exposed to and made to think about.  Not just because they're big, deep concepts, but because they are important ones that help to allow us to grow as individuals.  At this point in my life, I have actually come to address most of the things discussed in this book already, but John Green has this beautiful knack for addressing it differently than I do.  Obviously, because he's a different person.

For example, one of the themes is that we, as individuals, have a tendency to look at others not as people, but as ideas, as concepts.  We see in others what we see in ourselves, so it's sort of like looking into a mirror.  We need to act more as windows instead of mirrors, so that we look into people, not at reflections of what we want to see.
This is kind of difficult to discuss the way I'd really like to.  I'm not entirely sure how to break it down decently.  Or really at all.

When we look at people, we see what we want to see, not necessarily what's there.  We see outward appearance and make psychological judgments based on these appearances.  We look at a person's behavior and start creating this image of who and what we think this person is, and then it doesn't really matter what this person does, the image of them we have created is who they are in our minds.  And every person will come up with a different image of this person of discussion--that's the trick of it.  None of us are going to see exactly the same person because we all have our own internal prejudices and hang ups and baggage that alters how we see everything--even if/when we don't realize it.
In this way we sort of act as mirrors.  Because we are projecting onto others the things we see--or don't see but hold--inside of ourselves.  This kind of blocks our ability to actually consider others to be people--individuals--instead of ideas.  We become so entranced with the idea of someone that when we actually start to get to know them and begin to discover that they aren't some mystical, entrancing enigma, they're just a person, we become disappointed.  I don't understand why.
I like to think I have escaped all of this that I've just mentioned.  I'm fully aware of it, and I like to think that I see people, not ideas.  But even still, I find myself realizing that this person I'm talking to isn't who I thought they were.  Sometimes I like the idea better than the person.  Sometimes it's the other way around.  I don't think any of us can truly escape it forever; I think it's a war in which we win and lose certain battles.

This can actually kind of tie into the themes of Looking For Alaska, namely the question of Simon Bolivar's labyrinth.  What if, instead of suffering, the labyrinth was our habit to see ideas instead of people?  Maybe Bolivar's labyrinth is actually the convoluted confines of seeing two-dimensional people in a three-dimensional world.  People are more than just an idea, a concept, a vision or an enigma, and sometimes, it takes a lot of work to see that.

(I went to bed and am writing now Tuesday evening, just for the record):
Paper Towns is much more light-hearted than LFA was, all the way to the end, but even still it gets a bit heavy.  Quite frankly, I'd have been disappointed if it hadn't.  The ending is as equally unfulfilling as Alaska, but kind of in a different manner.  I sent this text to a friend last night:
"Are all of the endings of John Green's novels so painfully unfulfilling?

I suppose that's ultimately the purpose of his writing, to be both perfectly and beautifully philosophical and yet so endlessly and sadly unfulfilling, since thus is the unalterable nature of life: to ignore what we want and make its own twists and turns and decisions without our pior approval or satisfaction.
In that way, Green's become one of my very favorite authors--for being so philosophical and idealistic while remaining almost brutally realistic."
The rest doesn't matter. lol.
To which she replies:
"[...]  I think the main thing with his books is that they masquerade as simple YA literature, but have many of the elements of the classics--namely, that the theme and message take precedence over the plot.  While other endings might be more satisfying from a more simplistic storytelling standpoint, John Green writes the ending that drives his point home and makes his audience think."

One of the things that I noticed while reading this book is that I'd actually already gone through most of the things that Quentin was going through, so I'd already come to the realizations that he had and so I kind of spent the duration of the novel biding my time until Quentin made the necessary revelations.  Like the fact that he had to accept who Ben was and stop wishing he was somebody else and just like him as Ben because that was all he was ever going to get.  Et cetera.

Also... another thing I kind of noticed is how remarkably similar it is to Looking for Alaska by way of characterization.  Miles and Quentin are nigh identical in numerous ways--all the important ones--while worlds different in others.  Alaska and Margo are the same enigmatic, frustrating, crazy, beautiful girl in different circumstances with different plights.  But... they're kind of the same.
And I can't really fault Green for that, because I've noticed that I have a bit of a tendency to do that as well.  The main characters are all relatively similar and it's because they are based, most often, on a part of me.  Not me entirely, but a part of me.  And it's quite apparent--if you know anything at all about John Green--that his protagonists are based broadly upon himself.  Which isn't a bad thing; in fact it's often a very good idea, because it's easier to write believable actions/reactions/thought processes.  Just saying.

So that's that.  Paper Towns.  One less book I need to take back to campus in January.  I'm about halfway through Narcissus in Chains, book 10 in the Anita Blake series, and I guarantee I'll be done by Christmas, so that knocks another one down.  I'm kind of trying to catch up on my reading over break.  I have so many other things I need to be doing instead, but I need to read for the well-being of my psyche.  I miss books.  And I feel like my writing is kind of shitty lately.  So I definitely need to do some reading, because that always improves it.  It's kind of like research, in a way.
I've started using GoodReads, which is kind of like an internet library.  It allows you to list and rate books that you have read, are currently reading, and want to read.  I really like it.  Plus, when you finish a book, it allows you to write a review of it if you want.  I do, of course--imagine: Emily has something to say about a book. hahaha.


Oh.  And I have a couple of albums to review, but I'm not gonna do it today.  Maybe tomorrow.  Unlikely, considering I have to drive an hour to work 8, go on a date and then drive the hour back home.  Not like it's THAT big of a deal, but I doubt I'll be much in the mood to blog by the time I'm done.

So that's that.  And I'm out.

Ta ta!
--Emily Renae <3

I Haven't Slept Yet, It's Still Monday

So it’s totally time for more album reviews because GUESS WHAT!! You’ll never guess. I’m just WAY too unpredictable for this game.
I bought new CDs. You didn’t call it, did you? I know. I’m just WAY too sneaky for this. Hahaha.
I’m also completely full of shit. Have you noticed? I’m sure you have. You HAVE to have.
Anyway, I only have 4 albums today. (I behaved myself! (If you can call buying 4 CDs at once ‘behaving’ anyway)) So let’s just jump right in, shall we?
Hot Chelle Rae: Whatever

Dear God, I love this album. It might very well be my new favorite. If you’ve been with me for awhile, you know this says quite a bit; if you’re new, 1) welcome! I’m glad to have you “) , 2) for an album to immediately jump to my favorites list says quite a bit. These newest 4 albums bring me to a total of—wait for it—354. Crazy, right? I know. It’s a little obscene, probably, but it’s a passion. Obsession. Same difference?

Hot Chelle Rae is infamous for “Tonight Tonight” off of their first album, which is great… but they put it on the new one, too. I mean, I guess I kind of understand why they’d do it, considering that everyone that likes “Tonight Tonight” is gonna buy this album, so it would make sense to put it on their next album, right? But having already been a fan of Hot Chelle Rae, it’s kind of annoying. Like, I don’t need this song twice, guys. I liked it once.

But anyway.

This is an alternative pop album, and a lot of people are gonna scoff and go “Dude, they’re on the radio; clearly they’re pop” but I very much beg to differ. The radio stations—at least around here—are making a migration toward alternative-pop, which is both cool and infuriating at the same time. Cool because it means a shift in culture. Infuriating because now my selection of upbeat music is being played for the masses on the radio and all the people I don’t like are listening to my music and singing it on karaoke and murdering it ruthlessly. Which… is miserable. That’s why I strayed from the pop scene to begin with. (I hate our radio stations.)

Anyway (again). This is an alternative pop album featuring love songs (Queue track 11: “The Only One” which is, go figure, absolutely adorable, and I rather adore it), dance anthems (Queue tracks 1, 6 and 10: “I Like it Like That”, “Whatever”, and “Beautiful Freaks”), and even a softer, slightly sad song (Track 8: “Why Don’t You Love Me”).

Also, Why Don’t You Love Me has female vocals in it, but I don’t know who it is. I don’t recognize her voice, so it’s probably not anybody I know. She has a very nice voice, though. It’s a beautiful addition.

Whatever is a fun, upbeat, yet powerful album that within just a few tracks made its way into my very favorites, and I foresee myself listening to this one for a very long time.

“I should say that I need you here, but I’m gonna party tonight cause Honestly, I just don’t care.” –Honestly


Punk Goes Pop; Volume IV

These albums are hilarious. I love them to pieces. This new one isn’t as good as some of the past ones have been, but it’s good nonetheless. Hardcore covers of pop songs. Fuck you (Cee Lo Green), Last Friday Night TGIF (Katy Perry), Rolling in the Deep (Adele), and Love the Way You Lie (Eminem ft Rihanna) are just a few that make the collection this time. Par for the course, I’m not familiar with some of the songs. Hahaha. I thought I’d gotten past this. I’m usually pretty good at keeping up with the Top 40, even though I don’t listen to the radio. (Don’t struggle to put 2 and 2 together, because I’m pretty sure they don’t.)

Also par for the course, I like some of the covers better than the original songs. One of my new friends, who goes by the name of Quincy, is on the same page as I am about it. We were listening to it last night and we got out of the car at Wal Mart and he goes “Is it pathetic that I’d rather listen to these punk bands than the actual songs?” Which actually made me really laugh because how many times have I asked that question?

My brother used to hate these albums. He actually really liked the original songs and it pissed him off when these bands covered them. I used that as an excuse to play the CDs more often. Which was probably really bitchy, especially considering that he used to change the music for me when I asked him to. The older I get, and the more I think about it, the bigger a bitch I realize I really was to my poor baby brother. I mean, we were really close and we got along beautifully when we weren’t fighting tooth and nail, which was probably about 50-5o, which is kind of sad. But… Fuck, I just never thought twice about it. I mean, it didn’t seem that damn bad at the time. And… now I feel awful.

I have so many regrets, you guys. So, so many regrets. About things I did, things I said, things I didn’t do or say, things I always meant to do/say but never got around to. I have so many regrets about things that probably didn’t matter in the long run. It still doesn’t feel real sometimes. Does that sound as depressing to you as it does to me? I had a dream last night that he was still here, but it was fucked up because I remembered what happened. That he shouldn’t be here. And I was so confused. But I wanted to embrace the whirlwind of confused moment I had with him. What’s really fucked up is that I can still feel a whisper of his arms around me and the echo of his voice in my head. It haunts me. I hate myself for having only a distant memory of his voice, for having to work to remember his face in entirety. For… well, just for everything, I guess.

I’m having a rough night, that’s all. I didn’t really mean to totally interrupt my post for that, but I guess… it just sort of happens sometimes. If I were smarter I would edit it out and keep it to myself, but somehow, I feel as though somebody is going to read that and it’s going to mean something to them, or change something, or maybe… I don’t even know. But I feel like it needs to be here so that even a world of strangers can understand that suicide isn’t just about someone being victimized. It’s a victim victimizing those who care about them, those they care about. I have been victimized by a victim of prejudice, of unfairness, of… myself, as much as it pains to say it. I know he loved me. But… I still feel like a horrible person.

Anyway. Getting back on with life…

Fearless Records Sampler (Punk Goes Pop Disc 2)

Fearless has taken to including sampler CDs with their compilation albums, which I rather enjoy. Because most of the time they’re pretty legit. I already have half the songs on the album this time (hahaha) but that’s beside the point. It’s a good sampler. I’m a fan. Breathe Carolina has been on the last few, which is perfectly acceptable, because they’re great. (=

I’m so distracted right now because I’m texting my daddy (at 2.17 am—yes, really, haha) and listening to my HCR album and sporting a stomach ache all at once. But I’m trying.


Family Force 5: III

Uhm… I’m really not sure why they named their album “III”. Like, yes, it’s your third album and all, but you guys can do better.

Quite frankly, I’m not even 100% positive why I even bought this. I haven’t listened to FF5 in ages because they got kind of annoying. And… though this album is better than the last one, it’s still slightly… meh. I don’t know. Like, I do like this band, but there’s something just slightly… off. And I don’t know what it is. Like, there’s too much computer in their music, or auto-tune, orrrr something. I don’t really know what.

I’m told they’re a Christian band, but as far as I can tell, there are no Christian themes in their music. It’s just… Christian-friendly. AS in there’s no cursing or drugs or sex. Or… whatever the fuck else is in secular music that makes it offensive. Don’t ask me. I clearly listen to it all.

Angels & Airwaves: The Love Album Parts One and Two
(The cover shown here is just for part one, but I could make any of the right links work. So. That's what you get.)

A&A is a side project of Blink 182’s vocalist, so a lot of their music carries strains of Blink. Also, there’s a portion of Blink music that’s borderline styles, which is really to be expected when 2/3 of your band is in a side-project that isn’t three worlds off from the original band. You know? (Like, there aren’t much for strains of AFI in Blaqk Audio because they’re different enough; A&A and Blink don’t have that distinction.)

As far as A&A albums go, this one is actually kind of soft. At least it starts out that way. Truth be told, I haven't listened to it all the way through yet. Oops. Too caught up in my HCR album! hahaha

Anyway. Even though I like Blink 182, I kind of feel like Tom DeLonge's voice is kinda better suited to Angels and Airwaves. Not like it isn't suited to Blink, because it obviously is. But I really really like it in A&A, and it has a tendency to be slightly annoying in Blink. Maybe Blink just annoys me? Dunno.

So I totally just learned that Matt Wachter is in A&A, which is significant because he used to be in 30 Seconds to Mars and I could've SWORN he still was... Because I was certain that Tomo Milicevic left, not Matt, but I guess not. Oh well. Interesting, anyway. Now that I know he's there, I can kind of hear his influence. (I was very, very into 30 StM for quite awhile. So I just hear these things.)

It's a good album. It's actually a double-disc album, with Parts One and Two on separate discs. I like them both. They're very A&A, and a few of the songs are borderline Blink-ish. Though, due to the nature of the vocals, you could probably make the argument that it's all borderline Blink-ish. But if vocals were all it took, then we'd all be in trouble.
I don't know why. Forget I said that. hahahaha.

Anyway, it's like, finals week for University, and I have WAY too much to accomplish in not enough time to validate blogging for you all. Procrastination at its finest, lemme tell you. Uff dah. Oh well. I'll get accomplished what I have to. I will probably be operating on single-digit hours of sleep by the end of the week, but that's beside the point.

So I'm out!

Ta ta!
--Emily Renae